Open feedback

A couple of weeks ago, I blogged about an ongoing discussion Brian and I have been having about where to wed. To me, a large overt statement in public is a significant moment in a person's life, there aren't that many, and even fewer that one gets to choose. That is, how much choice does one have as to where one is born? Where one is baptized or has a first holy communion? Or even confirmed? Presumably, one's parents - no matter the religion or lack thereof - play a deciding role in these events.

So a wedding - two adults making a choice - is, among other things, a statement as to what one believes or does not believe. I blogged because I had suggested to Brian that we bring others into the conversation; we had been going round and round on it, not really coming to a resolution, and needed fresh perspective. At the same time, we called the priest that's handling our pre-cana (our concelebrant lives in California, so only one is handling the preparation), and set up an appointment for next week. I've been talking a lot to my mom, and how she and dad integrated their faith and principles into their daily lives. As an aside, my mom freezes up about sex but we can talk about religion all day long. I've emailed friends and gotten unsolicited feedback from others who would like to add to the discussion. Basically, we really opened up to outside input.

Things are not settled yet, but the discussion has been so enriching, I'm amazed. People with whom I had never talked about religion have definite thoughts on the subject - it's not neutral like the weather. But most everyone has been kind, supportive, respectful, and offered true insights. I'm just amazed at the depth and richness of this conversation, and all because a couple of weeks ago, Brian and I decided to invite others in. We still have to make our own decision, and we still have to get through that process (we're not there yet), but how beautiful to have added the dimension of others into this issue. I tell you, it feels like grace shining down on me.

This seems like a very valuable lesson in life. It makes me wonder how things will play out in the future - when we're making a decision about, say, homeschooling our children (something I've been interested in for years). Or what if we're having a rough patch? The support and insight of friends may help us there, too.

Don't get me wrong - of course, I've asked for input from my support network before. But I'm generally pretty independent and comfortable making decisions on my own (I think Brian is, too), so what feels new is getting input on a decision we're making together. Wow.