"This is the life I want!"

We had my sister and her beau over for dinner yesterday. He's in construction, really knows what he's doing, and we have a plumbing situation. Yes, "situation." So we had asked if they'd come over, hang out for a bit, give us their thoughts (my sister just went through a massive year-and-a-half, gut re-hab).

I cleaned, Brian cooked. You should have seen us fly! The house looked great (nothing like having people over to motivate one to dust, sweep, straighten... And when you couldn't get out of work early enough to have enough time, you move quickly). After about an hour and fifteen minutes of intense activity, things were in order and the meal was just waiting for their arrival to be completed (we didn't want to cook the pasta until they got there, but the water was already on a low boil). I had set the table nicely with our new dishes, wineglasses, etc., and we had low-key classical music in the background.

Brian stops me mid-stride, pulls me close, and says, "Music, beautiful setting, good food, having people over, and you with me, always. This is the life I want!"

We had a really nice time.

So... my goodness, my last blog entry was long, long ago. Hmmm. So much that I want to write down, so much that I want to remember, which was the whole point of the blog in the first place.

Well, first off, the holidays went well. We organized the scheduling so that we got some personal time by ourselves, to create some of our own traditions -- Brian's idea, really, and it worked out very well. We will have to tweak it a little more next Christmas because I was kind of fried (and grouchy) by the time we hit 4 a.m. But overall, all was well, and we enjoyed the time with our respective families.

Between Christmas and New Year's, we went to see dinner and a movie (Ari's Greek & Juno at the Tiv) with good friends; just west and wewaxation at wast. Another good time, pleasant and low-key.

New Year's we spent with the friends of ours that got married the Friday after our wedding - we actually changed the honeymoon dates to be back in time. For me, that was one of the best new year's I've ever had. It was low-key, 12-15 people at first, then about 8-10 by the time midnight struck because several people had other parties to go to. Lovely food, lively conversation.

[I see a theme developing: low-key = good. After the wedding and rolling right in to the holidays, it's understandable].

And the first few weeks of '08? Well, a caucus at the Royale seemed like a good way to start the year off. You can actually see us in the foreground (we got there before all the cameras and didn't know that's where things were going to be happening, although we can barely recognize ourselves in the somewhat blurry picture. It was also good because I'm so short, it was nice to able to see things happening for once). In any case, I believe history was made the night of the Iowa caucus, and I dream of change.

Then, Sunday night, this women's book club I got involved with via Bridgett. What an intelligent, gifted group of women! Really, the discussions are enlightening.

Which brings us, more or less, to dinner last night, and the life we want, Brian and I, together. I bumped into some interesting materials online on marriage. I somehow didn't save it; I'll re-type the rules here, replacing their comments with thoughts of my own.
_________________________________________________
Coupledom has changed a lot in the past 10 years. Listen in as the top relationship experts from the Redbook Marriage Institute reveal what it really takes to keep your union hot and happening these days.

1. Old rule: Spend all your leisure time together. And be suspicious if your spouse wants away-from-you time.
New rule: Occasionally go out with friends - without your spouse. It's normal and even necessary, and will enrich your marriage.

Are you kidding? I like my own time. I need my own time. I love being with Brian, but a 24/7 thing would just be too much for me; I enjoy hanging out with my own friends, or having the house to myself when Brian is out and about with his. And then I love it when we are back together again.

2. Old rule: Seek professional counseling to help a troubled marriage.
New rule: Make a good marriage great from the start by learning helpful relationship skills taught through couples' workshops.

Seriously. Half of all marriages end in divorce. I don't think waiting 'til after Timmy falls down the well or the horse is out of the barn to try some desperate rescue attempt is the way to go. Brian and I just had this conversation on Saturday; neither of us has been married before, so it would be nice to take a "Marriage 101" class or something. All is well in our relationship, but we think it behooves us to nurture and maintain, grow and develop, rather than hacking off atrophied limbs, metaphorically speaking, or do CPR at some later date to try to save things (oh horror of horrors) . I don't know if these type of classes or workshops or couples' retreats or whatevers exist, but maybe I'll do some research on this.

3. Old rule: Husbands and wives should divide housework equally.
New rule: Do chores according to whichever partner has the appropriate skills, time and inclination to do them.

Things are evolving pretty naturally in this arena. Brian is good at paying the bills on time; dishes in the sink bug me more than they bug him, so I do them sometimes a little bit more than him, but he knows they bug me, so he does them a lot, too. And in situations such as Monday, where we had little time, we very neatly divvied things up, without actually talking about it, in fact, and just pulled it together, both of us together. Nice.

4. Old rule: The true test of a marriage is how well you get through the big crises.
New rule: The little, everyday things - both positive and negative - are what really determine a relationship's success.

Hmmm. Hadn't thought much about this, but it makes sense. I mean, in times of crises, obviously you hope you'll react well and that your partner will react well, but can you really judge a person for how they handle really difficult situations? I mean, God willing, we won't have too many crises to find out, but if something catastrophic were to occur and Brian were constantly arguing or I were constantly crying or whatever, I don't know that it would be fair for one of us to hold that against the other. But if someone were a total dick to me when nothing was really going on, especially on a consistent basis, I think I'd definitely have some issues. Obviously, there are boundaries that should never be crossed (think physical violence), but having a bad moment during a crisis is what defines a crisis. It's a crisis. So I get that one.

5. Old rule: To have a strong marriage, choose a partner who shares the same background as you.
New rule: For a strong union, it doesn't matter if your backgrounds are different; your negotiating and compromising skills are more important.

Gotta say, absolutely on this one. For one thing, Brian and I actually have very similar backgrounds. But we have to navigate situations all the time. Both of us are used to living on our own; neither of us likes to fight. So we navigate through stuff, discussing, negotiating, compromising, what have you. So far, so good, as they say. Some stumbling, bumping into each other, but so far, so good.

6. Old rule: A couple's romantic relationship must always take a backseat when they become parents.
New rule: After you have a child, it's crucial to make your marriage a priority.

We haven't crossed this bridge yet (kids), but we are trying to keep romance pretty much front & center, which is why we have celebrated "monthiversaries" from the beginning. Of course, we're in the honeymoon phase still, so we haven't had to try particularly hard. The tough part of keeping romance alive when you're sleep-deprived and responsible for a "little bundle of visceral urges" (what my sister called her baby at about 6 weeks of age) will come soon enough, but we hope we find ways to keep on going and going and going... Again, half of all marriages and all that.

Well, we seem to have "scored" pretty well. Of course, life's not quite so neat and compartmentalized, but not bad. Not bad at all.

____________________________________________________

Ah well. That concludes today's show. Good night and good luck, y'all.