San Fran separation

It's a little scary how difficult it was to be far away from Brian, this soon.

Don't get me wrong, I had a great time with my sister - I had four absolute musts on my list; we got to all of them and much more. Plus, it was really, really nice to see my sister doing so well. Last year was difficult for both of us, with her going through unnecessarily lengthy and contentious litigation due to her [insert your most unfavorable descriptor here] ex-husband's lack of a) reason, b) penis size, and c) psychoemotional health. Although she had an attorney in Chicago handling the divorce, she could call her at some $65 a call or $250 an hour to ask questions, or she could call her little sister. I can't tell you how much in overage fees I spent on my cell last year. Regardless, whether I was wearing my sister, friend or lawyer hat, I was glad that both my personal and professional skills were of some avail to someone I care for. There is truly nothing better than that for me.

So it was really, really cool to see her healthy and centered. She's an incredibly intelligent and articulate woman and I love having her (along with my other ones) as my sister. I think that's the worst thing she can do to that repugnant man - succeed in life. Which she is doing, in spades, and this trip was her thank-you gift to me.

In the meantime, though, I pined for Brian. I actually pined. Sophomoric, I know, but what can I say? Maybe it's because we've been talking a lot lately about traveling together, so I could readily imagine him there with me. Maybe it's because sleeping in the crook of Brian's arm feels like my soul is at home, and I missed that. I don't know. I don't know where this will all lead, in the long run, but now, in the present moment, I can't imagine being without Brian.

God, does that sound like a stalker? Or does it sound like someone developing serious feelings for someone? It's so soon! Maybe the answer to that depends on what we each do with the feelings, i.e., hurt or complement each other. To my knowledge, there's no hurting going on, so I guess it's feelings developing.

Perhaps it's just the initial infatuation? My parents were married for over three decades. I'd bet every penny I owe for law school (aw, heck, let's throw in the credit cards, too) that they'd be married now but for my father's death. Throughout the years, they checked in with each other a couple of times a day - a quick call here and there, maybe run out to lunch together, that type of thing. I'm not being pollyanna-ish, as they had their good and not so good moments (over the course of three decades, at least a couple of issues popped up), but I should be so lucky. Maybe I don't want to "normalize." Maybe I don't want to get to the point now, in a month, or in a decade, that the difference between life with or without Brian is of no consequence to me. I want to want to talk to him, to be with him, tell him how my day went, laugh or console when I hear about his day. I guess all I can count on is what I have now. Since that is what I have now, it's absolutely good enough for me.

Retrospective

I have much to say on the topic of Brian and Alex's relationship, but one of the original purposes was to help them document the path their feelings had taken for each other. So before proceeding, a trip into the past:

In the beginning [says a loud, booming voice], Brian's profile caught Alex's attention right away. He seemed interesting, well-educated, and intelligent. Without being disrespectful to other individuals on the personals service, let's just say that Brian's narrative stood out in its clarity, coherence, and grammar. The length was also nice - long enough to really give an idea of who he is without overwhelming the reader (at least, not this one).

Thereupon ensued a lively series of emails, one usually longer than the last. Alex would ask a question, Brian would respond with a paragraph and a few questions, Alex responded with a half-page and another few questions, Brian responded with two pages - in short, each topic was discussed thoroughly. As a variety of topics were discussed, this made some of our emails pages and pages long, which both of us enjoy tremendously. The phone conversations amplified the extant connection, driving Brian and Alex to meet in person.

That's how it all began. And we're still writing this book, folks, so read on to the next post (if you've been able to stop gagging at our mushiness - but, hey, you're an adult; you can stop reading anytime... :-) ).

Do you know where your sweetheart is?

Half a continent away, and I terribly miss her. I know she's only been gone for a few days...and we've talked on the phone while she was away, but not having her here, especially now, when things aren't going well with my Dad, makes me feel lonely.

She does get in tonite (very late) and while we probably won't have much time tonite for anything else other than the drive back to her place to drop her off, I will be quite glad of that short amount of time we'll have together tonite.

Well, now, I wouldn't exactly say that...

Allow me to preface this post by saying while Alex and I disagree on this, the disagreement is much more funny/silly/cute than real and I even like the fact that we have a difference of opinion on this matter. It is not my intent to get one of us to change thier minds and agree with the other, only to present my position.

It really seems to me that a "date," in it's simplest form, is when two (or more) people meet at a pre-arranged time and pre-arranged place (even if there is no possibility of romance.) Running into Julia from accounting at the grocery store isn't a date. If you and Julia arrange to go shopping at the mall on Saturday, then it is a date.

While I do agree that our first planned meeting was made on the Monday for the subsequent Friday, and that Friday's meeting was going to be our first date, Alex and I decided on the phone to meet that evening, because, well, we didn't really want to wait until Friday. (Yes, I know, we were - and sometimes still are - acting like excited 17-year-olds, but so what...?) The meeting was arranged for about 20 minutes after we hung up the phone, but still, it was pre-arranged. A very quick shower and change later, I was waiting in front of South City Diner for a meeting with a woman who I was hoping would be as compatable with me in real life as she was over e-mail and the phone.

And apparantly she was. (and is!)

Since we liked each other just as much (or more) after actually meeting as we did over phone and e-mail, we kept the Friday evening plans and went out then as well.

There are those who say that a "date" isn't just meeting up, but what happens when you meet up. To them, I say we walked, and talked, held hands, got a bite to eat, and yes, there was a good-night kiss. (A very nice kiss, to be sure)

In my personal opinion, while the plans were hastily made for Tuesday's meeting, it should still quallify as a quote-first date-endquote. While Brian respects and understands Alex's reasoning that Tuesday was a pre-date, he courteously disagrees and believes Friday was, in fact, our second date.

Definition of a Date

Technically, a date can be defined as a previously planned occasion to meet to engage in a mutually agreed-upon activity. In the strictest of meanings, Brian and Alex's first meeting qualifies. Nevertheless, if one looks at the qualitative aspects of the first time they met, rather than relying on a simple checklist, one sees that it was not, in fact, a "date" in the context of a budding romantic relationship. Why? Because the first date was actually set for Friday. Brian and Alex had been on the phone for a couple of hours on Tuesday, though, and simply could not wait until Friday. So, they decided to meet right away. The objective was to determine if they could transfer what they had been experiencing electronically (online and over the phone) to the realm of bricks-and-mortar.

With time only to dress and put lip gloss on, Alex sped into the nite up to the South City Diner. Easily identifying Brian (lone white male wearing fedora, standing in front of Diner), Alex felt hampered by a sudden and unexpected shyness. Brian overcame that with his gentle manner. Satisfied that the energy between them hummed not only intellectually but also in person, they confirmed the setting for the first date - Friday.

Thus, that first meeting was a pre-date, akin to a pre-trial conference. Not the real thing. Alex joyfully stands strongly but sweetly at her original position.

Some Vital Facts:

First e-mail correspondance, Alex to Brian: 3 April 2006

First reply by Brian back to Alex: 12 April 2006

First phone call: 4 May 2006

First "official" date: 12 May 2006
(There is some contention about this date...as they had gone out once before on 9 May. While Brian considers the 9 May meeting to be thier first date, Alex considers that meeting to be a "pre-date")