Itty bitty binkie pooh

So a week ago today (the same night our neighbors got robbed), Brian and I are walking around at Target after having a really nice meal at Cunnetto's with a friend of mine and her husband (we really did have a great time). Anyway, Brian's in electronics and I'm wandering over toward women's clothes, and on one of the endcaps, I see a bunch of Classic Pooh baby stuff. Now, I as a young adult working but still living at home bought myself a whole bunch of Classic Pooh stuffed animals, probably fulfilling some thwarted childhood need. Those toys were long ago bequeathed to the actual children in the family. But I'm still a sucker for it.

One item that particularly hit home was this little itty bitty binkie pooh (a pacifier clip). I picked it up and threw it in the cart, to show it to Brian whenever he caught up with me. When he did a short while later, I showed it to him and he responded with a great big "aaaaaaaaaw!" I made some movement to set it down somewhere - being brutally honest, I would not have walked it all the way back to the place in the store where I had got it from (I do sometimes, but I was being especially lazy that day) - but Brian says, "Well, how much is it?" I don't know, I say, may four bucks or something. So he throws it into the cart.

Hmmm. Now, as a woman, I've already felt Brian out in terms of kids, the future, and stuff. Hello. We're getting married. So unlike some other couples that later get divorced because they find out the one wants ten kids, the other none -- the topic of children with their spouse never having come up apparently -- we thought it was a fine idea to talk about some of these things before the wedding. And that evening, I did not pick up the itty bitty binkie pooh with the intent of buying it, again being totally honest. And when we ran to Target again last nite (I think we should buy Target stock), I said "We're not buying any baby stuff tonite!!!" Although we did look. But last nite is not the point - that evening, Brian threw the itty bitty binkie pooh back into the cart. Hmmm.

We're both committed to no pregnancies before the wedding, but what are the odds we're going to be waiting a long time after the wedding? At least a little while, hopefully, to recover financially and emotionally from the wedding process. Plus, we'd like a some time to ourselves, maybe the first year or two. But it really is going to be more of a God and nature thing for us, so who knows what the time frame will end up being?

Danger and Anguish

So last nite found the dogs again running pell-mell down the stairs, barking at the top of their lungs to confront whoever was banging on our door, with Brian and I right behind them. Unlike last time (see January 21st entry on Safety), this time my next-door neighbor and his girlfriend were robbed and car-jacked on their front lawn, not 20 feet from my house. They had just stopped in to get some blankets, because they are sleeping now at their new house. Technically, both houses close on the 23rd but he got early possession of the new house to avoid a double move. Since the bed and much of the furniture is at the new house already, they're sleeping there, but they were missing some blankets. As they were getting in to their car, two guys came out from between the gangway between his house and the house on the other side (not the gangway between his house and mine) wearing hoodies and bandanas over their faces. With guns to their heads, they forced my neighbor to stand with his hands on the hood of the car (à la cop patdown) and his girlfriend out of the car. My neighbor kept telling them to just leave, just leave man, take everything but just leave, don't do anything, just leave. He kept trying to look over at his girlfriend with the other guy, trying to see what he was doing to her. The guy with the gun on my neighbor's temple kept prodding him with the gun, saying shut the fuck up shut the fuck up close your eyes don't look over there. Knowing the .45 was pointed directly at his brains and not knowing what was next, my neighbor wouldn't close his eyes because he thought, well if this guy's going to shoot me, at least I'm going to stare at the sky.

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They came over to our house to cancel their credit cards (both wallets, her purse, her car were taken) and report the loss to the car insurance company.

So Brian and I had already been talking about this house, and whether we can see our future in it, if we can see raising our children here. Um, no. Not already and especially not now. In five years that he (my neighbor) has lived here, including the four that I've lived here, nothing remotely like this has ever happened. It was very flukey in that he doesn't even live here anymore and but for the fact that he needed blankets for the 30' weather we're having, and but for the fact that those guys were about to rob somebody at the bar behind us, and but for the fact that the bar's security had scared them off from that robbery, and but for the fact that my backyard has signs all over the fences saying "Beware of dogs," and but for the fact that his yard is the next yard over and probably looked dark and empty because it was since they're no longer living there, and but for the fact that my neighbor didn't decide they also needed to get some other box of things or something besides the blankets that would have delayed them inside the house for another few minutes, and but for the fact that they took whatever exact amount of time it was in getting the blankets that they came out at the precise moment that these guys were coming out through the gangway then none of this would have happened.

But how cold is it that these guys, knowing the bar employee had just interruped their other crime to stop, rob my neighbor and his girlfriend, and then take the car. I mean, if they just needed a getaway car (which they probably did), they could have just pulled her out of the car, jumped in and left. But no, they stopped and made them go through their pockets and wallets and stuff and then yelled at them for a while and told them to get on their hands and knees and as that was happening, the bar employee -- who had apparently called the cops to report the first attempted crime (presumably, a robbery as well, as who has hoodies, bandanas, and guns on them for the casual stroll about the neighborhood) -- comes to our corner and startles these guys so they quit fucking with my neighbor and his girlfriend and finally just jump into the car and drive off. So my neighbor who has been trying to dial 911 on his cell but keeps getting "We're sorry. We can't answer your call right now, but please hold for the next available attendant" or some crap like that bangs on our door for us to call 911 and right as Brian and I are doing that, a cop pulls up to respond to the previous attempted robbery called in by the bar employee.

So that about summarizes my understanding of what went down. Point is, it was all a series of pretty happen-stance coincidences. Not that that makes them feel any better. And honestly, life in the city can be unstable like this. I grew up in the city with plenty of stories, and even have more recent anecdotes that I could bore my gentle reader with as well. So if we weren't already looking to leave, I'm not sure that this would motivate me/us sufficiently to do so. And we had just started to talk about whether we even wanted to buy in the city, or if we'd move out to the gasp! county. Can't we find a diverse, interesting area to live that is also safe? Or safer? Since we aren't under any pressure and we don't want to do this before the wedding in October, it's more of a hypothetical that just gained a certain degree of poignancy last nite.

So who knows how all this will work out. I want south city and diversity but I also want safety. But what am I willing to sacrifice for the ever-touted, ever-used-as-an-excuse-to-justify-all-sorts-of-unconstitutional- measures-that-aren't-always-effective concept of safety? What is it when we're talking about my life and limb, and that of my future husband and children, vs. something more esoteric, abstract, theoretical? How do I define that? Do we lock ourselves up, close our blinds, shut the world out? Do we install the lights on the porch with a motion detector that Brian and I were just talking about when we got home from Target yesterday, just hours before my neighbor was robbed and car-jacked? Here's a thought: Do we need to react at all? Yes, something as happened. Is a response, immediate or not, required? Are any additional measures or precautions necessary?

I guess we'll have to figure that out.

Poem: To the Future...

It has only been ten months
Of our new life together:
But I see the coming years
As clear as I see today.

Every day I feel that I
Could not love you any more
Than I do at this moment.
And then every tomorrow,
I find I was mistaken.

Fifty years from now, we joke,
We will re-evaluate.
The fact that we’ve always planned
For five decades makes me smile.

I will always be with you:
By your side, my hand in yours,
Building life, home, family.
Facing all the challenges
That the future may bring us.

Whatever may befall us
In our entwined life to come,
You are the best of my life
In our journey together.

Happy Month-a-versary, Alex!

In Sickness and in Health

So Brian spent yet another weekend tending to me in my sickness. I first got sick with this latest bout of bronchitis about 10 days ago. That weekend, I spent it in bed for the most part with a pretty high fever. I limped through the week, throwing in a doctor's appointment and lung x-ray in there for good measure, and made it to the weekend. I actually was feeling pretty good by Friday nite, and went to the symphony with Brian and a couple of friends. Afterward, we went to Red Lobster, where I stuffed myself full of their awesome cheese rolls and seafood pasta goodness. I'm glad I ate that much because all week, I had... hmmm. How to put this delicately? Let's just say that most of what went in to my stomach was not spending a lot of time there. But it was coming back, not going through, if you know what I mean. Anyway, Thursday and Friday, I kept my food down. Unfortunately, on Saturday, I got really dizzy and nauseous, probably from a combination of the codeine in the cough syrup I was taking and an inner ear infection. I ended up getting so dizzy, I fell down in the foyer, at the foot of the stairs and looking up with the room spinning as if I were really, really drunk, except without the part people think is fun about getting drunk. Then my stomach relieved itself of its contents. Fortunately, there had been enough time and warning beforehand for Brian to bring an appropriate container nearby. All the while, Bri and I were pretty freaked out because we didn't know what was going on or what we should do. I eventually made it back to my bed, where I stayed except for a brief foray out for mass on Sunday morning and a quick grocery trip.

Anyway, the point of all of this is not to talk about me being sick or the yummy details but about Brian being really awesome and taking care of me again, running out to get Gatorade and making me homemade chicken soup and watching home improvement shows with me even though he's not all that interested in them, just to keep me company. When he's sick, he mostly likes to get left alone. So I have to repay him by picking up the next couple of rounds of dishes or not nagging him about leaving stuff lying around or some other way, but unfortunately, not by tending to him like he tends to me...

Hopefully, we won't test each other's commitment to our partnership in sickness too many more times. Hopefully, we'll just be together in health, and go through life that way. But in the meantime, we can each take comfort that we're together even in the bad times. And that may be the best part of being together - knowing that we're not alone in life anymore.

Alleluiah!

OK, it's Lent. Not really Alleluliah season yet. But we just got an email from the priest who is a friend of my family's (a good, good friend that goes back to my 6th or 7th year of age and his pre-ordination days, and has been with us for many family milestones, e.g., first holy communions, marriages, anniversary masses, etc.) . Assuming I am a practicing Catholic, he will marry us even if Brian is agnostic. We've had a rather extensive email conversation these last couple of weeks, and specifically, he said: "Brian has more faith than he gives himself credit for... because: the one who seeks, finds. If he is seeking, I call that faith. Of course!! I will still marry you. abrazotes........ J"

Things got rather stressful a couple of weeks ago when we met with the family friend of Brian's family, who is (was?) slated to concelebrate with Jaimísimo and handle our pre-cana. We wanted to mention our concerns with the Church and Brian's agnosticism before we were under any time pressure for the wedding. He reacted nicely but did not seem very open to the idea of Brian's agnosticism. In fact, he said he thought it would preclude a Catholic wedding. Ouch. We then talked to three other priests, none of whom seemed quite as alarmed about the agnosticism. Apparently, it's rather commonplace for Catholics to marry people outside of the faith. In fact, Brian's mom (staunch Catholic) married Brian's dad (Lutheran/Evangelical & Reformed) and lived a happy 36 years with him. So we asked our concelebrant Jaimísimo specifically what his position on the issue would be, and received above response.

So it's our alleluiah time.

Oh, and I almost forgot: Props to my man for writing me a po-ëm. And not even on a Valentine's Day or anniversary or anything!