The monkey that protected him

About 11:00 a.m. yesterday, Brian calls. "I made an appointment with the doctor." OK. "I'm having some tightness in my chest." Hmmm. "It's for Monday." OK, can't be that urgent. A little more conversation, then talk to you later, honey.

About 11:45 a.m. yesterday, Brian calls again. "The doctor's office called back, they say I should go to the ER." Not so good. But we're talking about which hospital he wants to go to, he's not getting med-evac'd out of his office, so serious but not urgent. Based on personal experience, I want him to stay away from Barnes (given that he didn't get a bullet to the head, we'd be triaged until next Tuesday) and St. Mary's (I have just not been happy there, on the one occasion I had to go (broken foot, although the surgery dept and the surgeon were great) plus because of other family and friends and their experiences).

I'm recommending St. Joe's in Kirkwood (absolutely awesome experience, the one time I went there (concussion) and plus the minister, Fr. Jim Krings, used to be pastor at our church, and he is truly an enlightened soul) or St. John's. Brian definitely wants to avoid Barnes as well (triage concerns) but doesn't think it's safe to drive as far as St. Joe's or St. John's.

St. Mary's, it is, and I'll meet you there.

My friends from work that I was going to lunch with need to get out of my car (one of them, B., gave the opening prayer at the church wedding), but fortunately, we've just pulled up at St. Raymond's, and the other car with other co-workers will fit them so I'm not leaving them stranded.

By the time I get to St. Mary's and catch up with Brian in the ER, they've completed the EKG (they don't dawdle on heart stuff, we found, at least not initially). Long story short, seven or so hours later, we came home - after clarifying to the doctor that no, Brian had never donated a kidney, and had not presented with a fever, severe cough, and urinating problems. And no, thank you, we did not need blood tests done to test his renal function. The guy next door apparently had donated a kidney, and did have a fever, severe cough, and urinating problems, sounds like something might be going on with that guy, you may want to check on him. In the meantime, how's Brian's heart - not his remaining kidney - functioning? All the tests are coming back negative on a cardiac event? Good to know, thank you very much, can we leave now and never come back?

But I'm getting ahead of myself - I asked Brian if he wanted to call his mom, 'cause didn't he think she would want to know he was in the hospital, 'cause I know I would want to at least know? I mean, if they had been doing CPR, of COURSE I would have called, immediately, but still, she would probably want to know. Yes, he thinks so, too, we should call her. OK, not a fun phone call. "Hi, J., how are you? Good? Oh, that's nice. Us? Weeeell, we're in the hospital, things seem calm right now, but they're running some tests on Brian. Should you come? Hm. I'm sooo not making that decision. "

Brian's mom and two sisters came, as soon as they could. Sooo nice to have the support from them. Brian was stressed (obviously), so I couldn't be the one to wig out, and God knows, 116 days into the marriage, I didn't want to have to make any decisions alone, and my side is out of the country, or in Chicago, at work, have their own health issues, etc., etc., etc.

One of his sisters handed him a red monkey, the barrel full o' monkeys kind. We fiddled around with it, joked about it, kept our hands busy with it, whatever. Then, when she had to leave, Brian tries to give it back to her, you know, just, "don't forget your monkey" or whatever. No, she says to him, you can't give it back, because it's protecting you. You have to keep it.

So we kept it. And it protected him. Still need some tests to find out what happened, but we got home safe and sound, after just several hours as opposed to something else. Having lived through various "something elses" of my own and with friends and family, let me tell you, I was pretty happy to be home again. The stress of the day caught up, we cried, I puked, but we're OK.

To be fair, I didn't call my side 'til it was over, but would have if, say, the situation had become critical and urgent. And I know they would have been there for us, too. As an aside, my parents had an early scare, as well; having traveled to Europe on a ship, back in the day when planes weren't as widespread yet, the ship (if I recall correctly) had to alter its course and lay anchor in Spain, so that my dad could get med-evac'd off the ocean liner/ship/whatever (I don't know my water vessel terminology). Something about a diabetic coma, again, if memory serves, that he was not expected to survive, although he did, obviously, or I wouldn't be making this blog entry right now. I'll have to ask her if I can ever get through on the blinkin' phone lines. Not like she's on a small island off of New Guinea or anything but, geez, I can't get through.

In any case, for us, yesterday, it was the monkey that did it, so thank you for the monkey, No. 5. And thank you for being with us, Nos. 1, 2, and 4.

"This is the life I want!"

We had my sister and her beau over for dinner yesterday. He's in construction, really knows what he's doing, and we have a plumbing situation. Yes, "situation." So we had asked if they'd come over, hang out for a bit, give us their thoughts (my sister just went through a massive year-and-a-half, gut re-hab).

I cleaned, Brian cooked. You should have seen us fly! The house looked great (nothing like having people over to motivate one to dust, sweep, straighten... And when you couldn't get out of work early enough to have enough time, you move quickly). After about an hour and fifteen minutes of intense activity, things were in order and the meal was just waiting for their arrival to be completed (we didn't want to cook the pasta until they got there, but the water was already on a low boil). I had set the table nicely with our new dishes, wineglasses, etc., and we had low-key classical music in the background.

Brian stops me mid-stride, pulls me close, and says, "Music, beautiful setting, good food, having people over, and you with me, always. This is the life I want!"

We had a really nice time.

So... my goodness, my last blog entry was long, long ago. Hmmm. So much that I want to write down, so much that I want to remember, which was the whole point of the blog in the first place.

Well, first off, the holidays went well. We organized the scheduling so that we got some personal time by ourselves, to create some of our own traditions -- Brian's idea, really, and it worked out very well. We will have to tweak it a little more next Christmas because I was kind of fried (and grouchy) by the time we hit 4 a.m. But overall, all was well, and we enjoyed the time with our respective families.

Between Christmas and New Year's, we went to see dinner and a movie (Ari's Greek & Juno at the Tiv) with good friends; just west and wewaxation at wast. Another good time, pleasant and low-key.

New Year's we spent with the friends of ours that got married the Friday after our wedding - we actually changed the honeymoon dates to be back in time. For me, that was one of the best new year's I've ever had. It was low-key, 12-15 people at first, then about 8-10 by the time midnight struck because several people had other parties to go to. Lovely food, lively conversation.

[I see a theme developing: low-key = good. After the wedding and rolling right in to the holidays, it's understandable].

And the first few weeks of '08? Well, a caucus at the Royale seemed like a good way to start the year off. You can actually see us in the foreground (we got there before all the cameras and didn't know that's where things were going to be happening, although we can barely recognize ourselves in the somewhat blurry picture. It was also good because I'm so short, it was nice to able to see things happening for once). In any case, I believe history was made the night of the Iowa caucus, and I dream of change.

Then, Sunday night, this women's book club I got involved with via Bridgett. What an intelligent, gifted group of women! Really, the discussions are enlightening.

Which brings us, more or less, to dinner last night, and the life we want, Brian and I, together. I bumped into some interesting materials online on marriage. I somehow didn't save it; I'll re-type the rules here, replacing their comments with thoughts of my own.
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Coupledom has changed a lot in the past 10 years. Listen in as the top relationship experts from the Redbook Marriage Institute reveal what it really takes to keep your union hot and happening these days.

1. Old rule: Spend all your leisure time together. And be suspicious if your spouse wants away-from-you time.
New rule: Occasionally go out with friends - without your spouse. It's normal and even necessary, and will enrich your marriage.

Are you kidding? I like my own time. I need my own time. I love being with Brian, but a 24/7 thing would just be too much for me; I enjoy hanging out with my own friends, or having the house to myself when Brian is out and about with his. And then I love it when we are back together again.

2. Old rule: Seek professional counseling to help a troubled marriage.
New rule: Make a good marriage great from the start by learning helpful relationship skills taught through couples' workshops.

Seriously. Half of all marriages end in divorce. I don't think waiting 'til after Timmy falls down the well or the horse is out of the barn to try some desperate rescue attempt is the way to go. Brian and I just had this conversation on Saturday; neither of us has been married before, so it would be nice to take a "Marriage 101" class or something. All is well in our relationship, but we think it behooves us to nurture and maintain, grow and develop, rather than hacking off atrophied limbs, metaphorically speaking, or do CPR at some later date to try to save things (oh horror of horrors) . I don't know if these type of classes or workshops or couples' retreats or whatevers exist, but maybe I'll do some research on this.

3. Old rule: Husbands and wives should divide housework equally.
New rule: Do chores according to whichever partner has the appropriate skills, time and inclination to do them.

Things are evolving pretty naturally in this arena. Brian is good at paying the bills on time; dishes in the sink bug me more than they bug him, so I do them sometimes a little bit more than him, but he knows they bug me, so he does them a lot, too. And in situations such as Monday, where we had little time, we very neatly divvied things up, without actually talking about it, in fact, and just pulled it together, both of us together. Nice.

4. Old rule: The true test of a marriage is how well you get through the big crises.
New rule: The little, everyday things - both positive and negative - are what really determine a relationship's success.

Hmmm. Hadn't thought much about this, but it makes sense. I mean, in times of crises, obviously you hope you'll react well and that your partner will react well, but can you really judge a person for how they handle really difficult situations? I mean, God willing, we won't have too many crises to find out, but if something catastrophic were to occur and Brian were constantly arguing or I were constantly crying or whatever, I don't know that it would be fair for one of us to hold that against the other. But if someone were a total dick to me when nothing was really going on, especially on a consistent basis, I think I'd definitely have some issues. Obviously, there are boundaries that should never be crossed (think physical violence), but having a bad moment during a crisis is what defines a crisis. It's a crisis. So I get that one.

5. Old rule: To have a strong marriage, choose a partner who shares the same background as you.
New rule: For a strong union, it doesn't matter if your backgrounds are different; your negotiating and compromising skills are more important.

Gotta say, absolutely on this one. For one thing, Brian and I actually have very similar backgrounds. But we have to navigate situations all the time. Both of us are used to living on our own; neither of us likes to fight. So we navigate through stuff, discussing, negotiating, compromising, what have you. So far, so good, as they say. Some stumbling, bumping into each other, but so far, so good.

6. Old rule: A couple's romantic relationship must always take a backseat when they become parents.
New rule: After you have a child, it's crucial to make your marriage a priority.

We haven't crossed this bridge yet (kids), but we are trying to keep romance pretty much front & center, which is why we have celebrated "monthiversaries" from the beginning. Of course, we're in the honeymoon phase still, so we haven't had to try particularly hard. The tough part of keeping romance alive when you're sleep-deprived and responsible for a "little bundle of visceral urges" (what my sister called her baby at about 6 weeks of age) will come soon enough, but we hope we find ways to keep on going and going and going... Again, half of all marriages and all that.

Well, we seem to have "scored" pretty well. Of course, life's not quite so neat and compartmentalized, but not bad. Not bad at all.

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Ah well. That concludes today's show. Good night and good luck, y'all.